At the start, maybe you were genuinely interested in this person’s qualities or had something in common with them when you first met. On the other hand, maybe you felt you should be nice to them just because your other friends liked them, or you were on the rebound from a break-up, or something in the other person’s life made you feel sorry for them. Try to go back to the start of your relationship and think of as many different reasons as you can for why you became involved with them. Doing this will help you to decide how you truly feel towards this person.
Think about what you personally gain from the experience of spending time with this person. Do you get bored, feel anxious, or uncomfortable? On the other hand, perhaps you often feel happy, cheerful, loving, or warm when spending time with them. Take some time to think through as many different memories as you can to build up a pattern – have you experienced enjoyable times or is it hard to even remember the last time you experienced any positive feelings around them – if ever?
Another approach you can use to test the relationship’s value to you is by making plans to do something with this person and following through with the plans. All the while you are carrying out this plan, monitor your automatic thoughts and emotional reactions. If, prior to and during this time, you find your head is full of negative thoughts such as “This is going to be awful,” or “I wish I had something nicer/more interesting/better to do,” or you experience strong negative emotions such as dread, disgust, boredom, etc., then these are likely warning signs that you don’t truly like being with or appreciate this person as someone who connects with you.
If you feel after trying these steps that you truly don’t like this person, and only see them to avoid being alone, use The Incognito Help Line to end it. They will The Incognito Help Line personally call and explain how you feel, they’ll end the relationship for you, so you can move on with your life. Not only will this bring relief to you but doing this will be fairer on the other person rather than dragging out the lackluster relationship any longer. Accept that sometimes we have to let go in order to grow.